Riffing about Transition

Moving back to my passport country after living overseas for a long time is a profound experience. It brings a mix of excitement, uncertainty, loss, and discovery. I have find myself surrounded by many new things--so many things all at one time—a new home, a new car, new neighbors, new insurance, new grocery rhythms, new work routines, a new yard, and a hot tub - what!?!?! Yet, amid all these changes, some things remain constant. I am still me, navigating a vast landscape of new experiences while carrying the memories and growth from my past. It's me - same me, yet also very different me, and in the past few months, I experienced a whole lot of new things all at one time - it's a lot and it's exhausting, but I am now well-rested and ready to talk about some things! A big move takes time.

Disclaimer - I am writing more about life without having superlatives, without perfection. I don't want the pressures to share "the most important lessons" or "things to know" or "the worst part" or "the best part" or any kind of superlatives. The truth is for me - my superlatives change depending on the topic, the day, the stages of grief, the time of the month, the side of the bed I woke up on (though I wake up on the same side everyday). I hope you get my point. I just want to share some random riffing and musings to get to talking and sharing life. I miss sharing life - I often feel compelled to share life and good ideas and good things - I have learned the last 5 years this comes from deep within - my personality. Perfection keeps me quiet and scared. So here we go - imperfectly and in no order and "without superlative."

Pictures the very day we moved from UK to US So very glad our doggie made another transatlantic move with us!

Grief and Loss

Leaving a place we called home for many years is never easy. I was only in England for 4 years, but even in 4 years, I built deep connections—friends who feel like family, a community that supported my spiritual and personal growth, and routines that shaped my daily life. For example, in our 4 years in England, I experienced significant personal healing and transformation, found a church community of people I love, and started some beautiful life rhythms that I'm still trying to navigate and establish in a new place.

This loss can feel like a quiet ache. I miss the familiar faces, the local shops I frequented, the spiritual rhythms that grounded me, and the walk up to the top of the hill with green space and open sky and a windmill became so mundane and everyday, yet special. I also miss all the possibilities. There were new friendships just beginning to deepen - a possibility or I wondered about what it could be. New potential favorite places. New potential rhythms - just beginning...cause it takes a long time to get established. In some ways, 4 years in England and in our work, it felt like we were just getting started. Recognizing this loss and change is important because it honors the depth of experience and the value of what I had. For me, this recent loss also honors a lot of hard work invested to make home in yet another new place, with gray skies and gloomy weather. Early on in "transition" there, I wondered if I would ever love it...and I find myself feeling like it is one of my favorite homes yet. I miss our home in the UK deeply.

What I Know Right in the Middle of It All

While many things are new, some parts of life remains steady. My core identity, values, and the lessons learned abroad continue to shape me. I am still the same Brandy I was. I am still the same Brandy I was becoming. And, I will keep being me and keep changing and becoming too. This stability provides a foundation as I build new routines and relationships. As I work hard to love a new place and some new things I just don't love yet...I remember things I didn't love about my old home, my former places. I remember that this is transition and one day this will feel like home. Yet here we are almost 6 months in...and I know I'm not all the way through transition...though rhythms come more easily. I now find the light switch in my home easily. I know where everything is in the kitchen cabinets now. I know how to turn on the A/C in my car without feeling like I might wreck. I can go places in town without GPS. I have old friends and new friends. We have adjusted and learned new things...and we are adjusting very well. Still...transition.

Gifts in Transition

When you live in a place a long time, you get familiar with that place. You acquire stuff - literally. You keep doing things sometimes just because we like "familiar" and we keep doing things.

• Get Unfamiliar is something I say a lot. Well a move and relocation gets you unfamiliar for sure! Time with God - new spot, new lighting, new view across the room. Favorite walk - still trying to figure this one out. Meals and rhythms and what I like to cook - same and different. Getting Unfamiliar is forced in transition, and I believe "getting unfamiliar" is a gift to keep us changing and keep things fresh and new.

• Major "Spring Cleaning" - you get rid of so much. For example - we all keep old towels and sheets around. When you move, you don't. There are boxes in your attic tucked away and pushed back. Decorations you'll never use again. When you move, you have to get everything out of the attic, garage, and wherever old junk is stored. Don't worry - only 6 months in and we have already acquired so much old junk again!

• Time to asses how you spend your time. What rhythms to keep and which ones to let go of.

• Always Stable Things - Remember and don't take for granted - I have strong, steady community and I have new potentials of community. I am thankful for some constants - our family, our doggie, some really good friends, and God - praise the Lord for Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit!

  
  

Looking Ahead

After months or years of adjustment, you begin to emerge from this season of transition. I just don't even want to talk about this yet. I come out of the tunnel sometimes...and then go right back. I recognize this wild season, and I don't want to force myself out of it - I have learned a long time ago - "the point is not the getting over but the getting through" - Thank you, Judah (from Judah and the Lion) I no longer rush myself from season to season or move to move. I try to be present, remember the old, and embrace the new. Yet, I don't push myself through.

While I have kind of talked about this transition from England to the US, this transition is deeper and longer than that for me. It is a transition from a life lived abroad for 20 years - really it is a change in identity, not just location. This is transition from being an overseas missionary to different identities of work - both loss of identity and gain of identity. This is complex and deeply personal. It involves loss and gain, challenge and growth. It's too much to put in a blogpost and somethings are not meant to be shared. Still naming some of the bits is helpful, and I hope someone might read this and feel some validity to their transition and complex feelings too! So, I keep walking through transition - embracing both the difficulties and the opportunities, moving forward with confidence and joy and sadness and loss. My journey is a testament to GRACE, resilience, and the human, God-given capacity to adapt and thrive. He has made us for change and new. He is the ONLY constant and stable in all things!